civetta

“We were together. I forget the rest.”

on anniversaries and angst, in which we let go.

ok friends. i am in a bit of a funk. i can’t say why exactly, and hey, maybe by the time you read this, the clouds will have lifted. {which, speaking of clouds- they are part of the problem, methinks. seattle weather and all.} but i am on a mission to NOT  sink too deeply into this funk. so. my plan is…

be grateful. and i am. for…

my cozycoz house. we have a fireplace, friends. it realllly changes things.

my huge slobbery dog who likes to run way ahead of us at the dog park and pretend he doesn’t know us like a teenager, and also wait outside the bathroom for me, like he’s the doggy secret service.

little things, like coffee, indian food, cute bathing suits that have me dreaming of spring {more on that later}, magazines, my new cookbook, my mom’s words of wisdom, my beloved clambake nail polish, the lovely comments y’all leave on this blog, date night {mostly date night in, that’s how we do it}, and kinda bigger things like this card which the Gent gave me for our 1 year anniversary…

i think that goes straight into a frame, don’t you? and taped to it was a little silver key, which i now wear around my neck. so. the sweetest words i can imagine and the key to the heart of the love of my life. i’d say i’m pretty grateful for that. oh, and it also it needs to be said that on our anniversary we were wandering around downtown and by chance {ok not by chance, i don’t believe in that} we came across this shop which i have been dying to go to since i moved here. and we looked around for ages, and then right next door was the most perfect french bistro with the most charming bar. and so we sat and had a french 75 and made eyes at each other and made friends with the bartender. t’was perfect, i tell you.

so i’m going to keep being grateful and let go of this fear and angst and control if it kills me. {which it might}. and remember these words, too, and remember how lucky i am that i get to feel this way about someone who feels that way, too.

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3 comments on “on anniversaries and angst, in which we let go.

  1. Jora
    March 1, 2012

    sorry you’re feeling all angsty. i can certainly relate. i think you have a perfect plan for dealing with it, however! and you certainly have a lot of blessings in your life….being in love is one of the greatest. :-)

  2. jessica clare
    March 2, 2012

    thanks jora. thanks for reading and thanks for commenting. i want you to know that you inspire me so much and our relationship via interweb propels me forward into who i want to be. i hope in a small way i can do the same for you :)

  3. kayla @ exquisite banana
    March 4, 2012

    That card is, undoubtably, frame-worthy. Hope the angst leaves you soon! xo.

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This entry was posted on March 1, 2012 by .

Jessica Clare

Preschool teacher, writer, trouble maker.

LIVES: Seattle. By way of Santa Fe, San Francisco, and NYC.
LOVES: John
DAYDREAMS:Strong coffee. Gourmet magazine. Stinky cheese. Date night with new strappy heels. Green chile. Going back to India. Unabashed displays of love. Vegetable gardens. Clean sheets. Unruly stacks of books. Breaking Bad marathons. Writing like Joan Didion ,Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and Joseph Stroud. Cookbooks. French 75s. Sequins with jeans. Leaving love notes.
BELIEVES: “A human being is part of the whole, called by us ‘Universe,’ a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest – a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation, and a foundation for inner security.” Albert Einstein “The important thing is not to think much but to love much and so do that which best stirs you to love.” St. Teresa of Avila “People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances without own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.” Joseph Campbell

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