“We were together. I forget the rest.”

J. Crew, go home. You’re drunk.

Dear J.Crew,

You know how I feel about you. I’ve been head over heels every since I got my 13 year-old hands on one of your glorious, WASP fantasagorium catalogs. I worked for you! (twice!). I’ve given you gobs of my hard earned money. I, like pretty much everyone, worship at the Jenna Lyons style altar. But lately, I’ve been a little disappointed in you. The prices, J. The prices. And sometimes you layer on just one too many necklaces. But mostly… the prices. However, I’ve looked the other way, because damn it, I still want everything in that catalog. But now, I draw the line…


$85 pajamas? That, I can handle. (Fine. I want a pair. With a monogram.) But when you start selling $78 toy limos for the spawn of the 1%…no, friends. NO.

So I’ll make you a deal. You pull yourself together and I’ll pretend this never happened.

And if you want to throw in this wildly overpriced parka to smooth things over? I can be bought.



2 comments on “J. Crew, go home. You’re drunk.

  1. Sally
    December 6, 2013

    Ha, this is super funny!
    J Crew just opened in London, I was sooo excited, until I realised I can’t really afford anything… I’ll have to wait for the sales!

  2. alex
    December 7, 2013

    Hah! Awesome, Jess.
    And seriously, a $78 toy limo?! Is ANYONE going to buy that? Ridic. I haven’t shopped at J. Crew for a while, though it does hold a place in my heart. I’ve always been a fan of the flip flops.
    AND they are selling Harry’s razors (the company Andy works for), so they can’t be all bad. But yes, they should take that STUPID LIMO off their product list! So bougy.

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This entry was posted on December 6, 2013 by .

Jessica Clare

Preschool teacher, writer, trouble maker.

LIVES: Seattle. By way of Santa Fe, San Francisco, and NYC.
DAYDREAMS:Strong coffee. Gourmet magazine. Stinky cheese. Date night with new strappy heels. Green chile. Going back to India. Unabashed displays of love. Vegetable gardens. Clean sheets. Unruly stacks of books. Breaking Bad marathons. Writing like Joan Didion ,Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and Joseph Stroud. Cookbooks. French 75s. Sequins with jeans. Leaving love notes.
BELIEVES: “A human being is part of the whole, called by us ‘Universe,’ a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest – a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation, and a foundation for inner security.” Albert Einstein “The important thing is not to think much but to love much and so do that which best stirs you to love.” St. Teresa of Avila “People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances without own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.” Joseph Campbell

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